Category: My Three Monkeys

My boys are very close in age. There are 18 months between my first and second sons and 21 months between my second and third. Yeahhhhhh, tell me about it.

It wasn’t always easy, especially when I was a single mom, but it was never dull. In fact, I’d argue it was a little overly stimulating at times. As an only child, I can only imagine what’s it’s like to have siblings in the first place, much less ones so close in age.

From the time they could understand speech, I talked to them about the importance of sticking together so they’d always have each other. When they got older I’d gently point out that their dad and I wouldn’t be around forever, so it was important for them to resolve any issues between them and to be there for each other.

Over the years, they fought like siblings do but always had each other’s backs when it counted. They grew so protective of each other they’d even take issue with me if they thought I wronged a brother. Not ideal of course, but I appreciate the sentiment.

I can’t imagine the profound loss my sons feel over losing Christopher. They did everything together and were in constant contact with each other, even when work took my oldest out of state. They are so close in age that they almost had the bond that triplets have.

Christopher broke up the band. They were together through the good and the bad for 18 hard-fought years. His brothers will need to learn a new normal and how to be siblings, minus one. My heart breaks for them.

If you were surprised to find out I have children when I mentioned Christopher’s death a few days ago, you aren’t the only one. I don’t ever (well, didn’t) mention my children online. Let me explain.

I’ve been a professional writer for more than 20 years and I’ve specialized in writing about technology for over a decade. As a woman covering tech, you can imagine how dicey things can get. Make one little mistake or say anything to get on the wrong side of my fellow nerds (Macs rule, Windows drools) and I risk a world of shit raining down on my head from trolls and assholes.

I used to talk about my kids on my old blog 54, 000 years ago, but once I got into tech writing I stopped cold and took everything about them offline. They were young and doxxing is a real thing (ask me how I know). Even though my children have my ex-husband’s last name and I’ve remarried, I never wanted to draw any connection to them that could come back to haunt any of us. Trolls have no boundaries.

Now that my kids are all grown up (sob!), I’m more comfortable with the idea of mentioning them online. They understand the internet can be like the wild west and that people can be tools. Even so, I recently asked my boys if they were okay with me mentioning them now and if they wanted me to use pseudonyms. Both said yes to talking about them and no to fake names.

Obviously this isn’t a question Christopher can answer for himself, but his brothers are also okay with me using his real name. I’m glad because I feel it’s important to keep the totality of his memory alive.

It’s also selfish on my part. I need to talk about Christopher, the real Christopher, not some facade of my son with a made up name. I won’t talk about his side of his all too brief journey in this world, however. That’s not my story to tell.

It’s lovely to talk about my sons in the open once again. My three monkeys. I can’t wait to tell you more about them.